Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secret Love
by StormyChaosBreath
Summary: When Harry tries to find out the truth of his parents, he finds more than just answers. He finds a big snake, drama, a hot man, and some octopodes. (Written by three different Authors)
1. Prologue

Chapter 1

The Prologue

There was one person who could withstand the basilisk's gaze of death. Lily Evans, the fiery, red-haired dame who could destroy the stone around his heart. Some might say it was inconceivable.

It all started one day in her seventh year. She was in the bathroom, singing as she washed her hands, when the sink suddenly dropped into the ground. Her singing was so raspy and terrible that the sink had thought it was parseltongue! She had no cause to join the choir but exploring she could handle. So, she jumped into the hole left by the sink and down the slide, into the unknown.

Lily walked down the dark, bone covered passage, until she stumbled upon a large, snake like creature, chillin' out, maxing, relaxing all cool. It was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. He had beautiful, deep yellow eyes, the color of the sun, and deep, iridescent scales that were the same shade as algae infested, stagnant water. He smelled like death, but to her, it smelled like warmth and cuddles.

His voice sounded as smooth as honey, with tones as deep as a double bass. "My name is Roberts. The dread basilisk Roberts. Who are you and why do you seek me?"

Even though this snake was beautiful in every way and very sexy, Lily was terrified. She had never met a giant talking snake before! She could make no words, only screams.

Roberts flicked his tongue at her, to taste her scent. Like snakes do. She sure smelled good. Like rainbows and happiness. "Why didn't you die when you met my gaze?"

"Well, I dunno," replied the fear-filled girl.

"You're an amazing conversationalist," he quipped, "I think I love you, nonetheless."

"We just met! I need dinner first."

"All I have are rats."

"That works. I need ketchup, though."

"As you wish. Is Thursday good for you?"

"Nah, I have class."

"Friday evening?"

"Yeah, that should work. I'll be here at, like, six. Or whatever. You gonna wear a Tux?"

"Well, ya know, no legs and all. I got a hat I'll wear."

"Fair enough. See ya later, alligator." And off she went.

"I'm a basilisk!" He called after her.

"Kay," she screamed back, into the darkness.

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The week flew by in eager anticipation for Lily. Whenever she was in class, her mind was down in the sewers, with her new snake lover, and her notes were filled with absent doodles of his hot snake bod. On Friday night, she put on a dark red dress, which was the pattern of a shimmering scales. She took special care in her eyeliner to make sure that it was winged to perfection, battling a black tail Cribo for its splendor. She only hoped it would be enough. Even though she took special care in the rest of her look, Lily wore ratty old sneakers on her feet. Shoes were expensive, and she didn't want to ruin her fancy shoes with gross sewer muck.

Now finding herself ready, she ventured towards the bathroom and slipped inside. To open the sink, she broke out into song, singing the same tune from before. Probably some Adele. Once the sink had opened its pathway, she slid down the tube, into the home of her sexy, sexy snake.

When she entered, she saw him, his mesmerizing, yellow eyes shimmered under a silky black top hat. Tied loosely along his scaled neck was a red and black, polka dot bowtie. There was a distinctive odor of rotisserie rat. It smelled strikingly like chicken. Sewer chicken.

In front of the great Roberts stood a circular wooden table with a white, flowing table cloth on top. Scattered across the tabletop were various types of cutlery, along with two large green scales for plates. Lily was touched. He had shed scales for her? Along with the fine china, there was one, small skull, maybe an opossums', filled to the brim with ketchup. Some of it was coming out of the eye holes, but Lily ignored that, out of politeness.

"Hello, fair lady," he greeted, using his tail to pull out her chair. "Do you like the table setting? I don't have hands, so I normally don't use plates."

"Understandable. So, what's it like to not have legs?" She asked in an attempt to strike up small talk.

"I don't know. What's it like to have hands?"

"Very handy," replied Lily, causing the conversation to end. They looked around for a few moments, until Roberts spoke up again.

"I'll go get the food." And with that, Roberts slithered off, into a back room that totally existed inside the mouth of Slytherin.

A few minutes later, he returned, carrying a platter on his tongue. On it, was the rotisserie rat, Lily had smelled earlier. It was crispy brown and looked rather appetizing despite it being a sewer rat.

"Where's your food?" questioned the red-head when she saw only a single rat.

As she spoke, a skittering and scratching sound emanated from behind one of the snake statues lining the chamber walls. As soon as she saw it, Lily drew her wand from under her bra. A large, brown rodent of unusual size snarled as it emerged in sight. She squealed in fright.

"Don't worry about it," responded Roberts, amused with her reaction. Swiftly, he slithered across the stone floor and launched his large body at the ROUS, twisting his body around it and squeezing tight.

"How was your day?" He casually inquired as he coiled around the rodent, crushing the life out of its body.

She sat there for a second, and then realized. Snake. Snakes constrict. "Aren't you venomous?"

"I'm conserving my venom because it's metabolically expensive to create. Anyways, about your day?"

"Oh. Well, today I took a test in transfiguration. McGonagall is a real hardass. Then, I ate a ton of chicken and took a nap. After that, I got ready, and now I'm here." As she spoke, Lily took up one of the forks on the table, which was made out of a mystery animal's skeleton. The rat was crunchy and tastes not like chicken, but, rather, pork. "This is really good!" She commented, looking up from her plate with a big smile at Roberts, but then it went away when she saw what he was doing.

The ROUS was no longer moving. Instead, it was shoved halfway into Robert's mouth, with only the tail and back end of the rodent sticking out, but it was slowly being swallowed by the hungry snake. Patiently, Lily waited for him to finish. Occasionally, he would try to mumble something out, but, each time, she could not understand anything he had tried to say. As soon as he was done eating, he returned to his side of the table with his bowtie askew and inching its way slowly down his body, as his body was basically all neck.

"You must be very old." Lily looked up at him as she spoke, finishing off her rat.

"You have no idea. I have lots of wisdom from my many years."

"Like what? Please illuminate me with your pearls of wisdom!"

Amused by her request, he complied. "First of all, never get involved in a land war in Asia."

"Did you learn that by experience?" Lily asked, wanting to know more about this interesting topic he had brought up.

"Yes," was all he said on that. "Also, never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line."

She decided not to question that one. "That's cool. What do you do for a living?" Surely, a very old snake had to be doing something, right?

"Every fifty years of so, I come out to petrify a student or two. Or five. Depends on the day and how I'm feeling. I'm mostly in this Slytherin monster thing for the pay. In return, they through a few ROUS down here every few days or so."

"They?" She asked with a curious look, wondering who would be put in charge of such a thing.

"Just 'they'," he said.

They continued to converse for many hours, until Lily started to feel sleepy, and decided that it was time to leave.

"Thanks for your hospitality, the meal, and even the ketchup."

"Thank you for coming down and finding me," responded the Basilisk with his bowtie nearing the end of his tail at this point.

Lily stood up. She shuffled her feet awkwardly, not knowing what to do, until the large snake brought his head down near her. Without thinking of it, she gently grabbed his face and placed a big smooch on his big snake nose. "Good bye," she said with a big grin before scurrying away, towards the exit.

They continued to secretly see each other nightly for months on end. Tonight, was one of those nights. Lily had ventured down into the depths of the chamber to see her snakey lover. They were sitting together on the floor of the chamber, talking about the cool things going on in her life.

"Yo. I love you," said Roberts.

She gazed deep into his lethal eyes and responded, smiling. "I know."

Then things got heavy.

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A month later, Lily returned to Roberts, but she seemed unhappy. She marched up to him, and he seemed concerned that she was unhappy.

"Roberts. I am gravid."

And then he was unhappy.

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After many nights of arguing back and forth, Lily had made a decision. She walked into the chamber and up to Roberts, who had been laying on the floor, sleeping. She poked him on the nose with her foot. He twitched. She poked harder. He woke up.

"What?" He asked, unhappy to be woken up and still grumpy from their previous fight.

"I am leaving you. I met a man. His name is James. And I think I love him."

He shed a single, giant tear as she walked away. Once she had left, he coiled his long body up, with his broken heart in the center.

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Month later

Lily was sitting in the tub, enjoying some lavender bath salts with a bowl of ramen resting on her large stomach. Downstairs, she could hear James loudly singing some terrible tune. Suddenly, she felt pain and she tossed her ramen bowl onto the floor. Something was stirring deep inside. Then, suddenly, she laid her very own, large egg. It sunk to the bottom of the tub and rolled around a bit as Lily stared in awe. She emptied the tub and picked up the egg instead. It was large and plain white, with specks of blood on it. It was a little soft, and, because it was in the tub, smelled like lavender and birth.

She stared at it for a second, then it started to move. A hand shot out of the egg, grabbing the air. Another hand emerged and started to split open the egg by flailing. James was oblivious, as he was singing so loud. Possibly Adele.

After watching the hands flail about, a baby was seen inside the egg casing. She put it down and grabbed the baby and then started to wipe him off with a towel. He had slit like pupils in emerald green eyes.

"I shall name you Harry," Lily decided as she looked at her new, crying son.


	2. Chapter 1: Father?

Chapter One: Father?

As the dust settled around them, Harry uncovered his face with arm and looked around to assess what had just happened. Lockhart had just tried to fire a spell out of Ron's broken wand, but the spell had backfired and caused a wall of rocks to rain down between Harry and his friend.

"Ron!" he called, trying to move some of the rocks to see if he was okay. The rocks were too large and didn't budge when Harry pushed and pulled on them. "Ron!"

"Yo! I'm good. You?" the ginger's voice called out from somewhere on the opposite side of the rock wall.

Harry let out a sigh of relief. "Yeah."

"Lockhart's spell hit him instead and he doesn't know what's going on. So, I'll just stay here and watch him. You go on and storm the castle!"

"Okay. Be back soon!" Harry pocketed his wand and continued walking along the stone pathway into the unknown ahead. When he reached the end of the hallway, he spotted a crumpled figure of Ginny on the ground and ran the rest of the distance, dropping to his knees by her. "Ginny," he said, grabbing her shoulder and shaking it gently. Seeing that she gave no response, he shook her violently. This time, Harry heard a voice, but it was a man's voice, and coming from somewhere else in the room.

Upon standing, he saw that it was a man a few feet away. And boy was he a beautiful man.

"She poured her soul into this diary," explained the strange man, holding out a book. "And I was in the diary. So, I took her soul and combined it with mine, and now I am here! And I took her whole soul, so I am a full person!" The guy seemed very happy about this. But Harry was skeptical. Gingers have souls? Like, they had an actual soul? He had always thought that gingers did not, but he supposed he couldn't be right about everything.

"Okay, but, like, who are you?" Harry asked, entranced by this mysterious figure in front of him.

"Oh, I'm Tom Riddle," explained Tom Riddle. "Roberts, where are you?" He suddenly called off into the distance. "You are supposed to protect the chamber, you slacker!"

A great rumble shook the dimly lit room and a shadow crossed the wall. Harry looked around, trying to find the source, until a humongous snake slithered out from behind a crevice in the wall, and loomed over Tom from behind. The snake was a pale color, and his eyes seemed to have a milky color to them.

"Well, attack him!" ordered Tom impatiently. The snake flicked his tongue out.

"Who?"

"Harry! He's right in front of you!"

"Tom. Listen. I am shedding. That means I can't see very well. I can't see the boy. But I can smell him, maybe?"

"Then smell him! Do something." Tom seemed frustrated.

The Basilisk's tongue flicked in and out a few more times, then he leaned down, towards Harry. His movements didn't seem aggressive, but the boy was still terrified and found he couldn't move.

"You smell familiar," said the snake thoughtfully, his head tilting in a curious manner as he spoke. "You smell like Lily."

"Lily? That's my mom," answered Harry, unsure why this creature could possibly know what his mother smelled like.

Tom was more frustrated by this. "Why aren't you attacking him? Now is not the time for idle chit-chat! Bite him, sit on him, do something, Roberts!"

Roberts? Was that the snake's name? Harry assumed so. "Why do you know what my mother smells like?"

"Well, it's a long story," replied Roberts. He pulled back, away from Harry and chose to coil up where he was instead. It appeared that he was not going to attack. Instead, he seemed a little sad, even. "But I can sum it up for you. Harry, I am your father."

"That's stupid." Tom piped up before Harry could even respond. "You're just saying that because you are too lazy to attack him."

"Nah. He's my son."

"Well, it explains a lot." Harry finally spoke up. "I like warm things and I have a lot of dry skin, so I 'shed' a lot and I like to swallow chicken nuggets whole, like a snake would."

"Yup. That's my boy."

Tom seemed at a loss. Now what did he do? He reunited his enemy with his evil partner snake pet thing and no one was dead. Well, maybe that ginger girl. She could totally be dead, but he wasn't very sure. Nor did he care, to be brutally honest.

"Does that mean you are related to me, too?" questioned Harry, turning his attention to the Tom guy.

"No. I am Lord Voldemort. But younger. I wanted to kill you because older me couldn't kill you."

"That's not going to happen," stated Roberts bluntly. "I'm not gonna let you hurt my son." He tried to look at Tom, but he couldn't see very well and ended up looking off to the side of him a little bit.

Tom threw his hands in the air in frustration. "What was the point of this, then? What am I going to do with him? And I am fully alive now, with no purpose in life. I am a full, human person. Alive. In this world."

Roberts would have shrugged, if he had shoulders. "I don't care. But if you hurt Harry, I will hurt you. Slowly. Painfully. Angrily."

Tom plopped onto the ground, sitting with his legs crossed and a defeated look on his face. "Fine. I won't hurt Harry. But now what do I do?"

Harry took this as a prime moment to think. "You can live in my room. I'll hide you in there. You can sleep under my bed and I'll give you food and everything will be fine. Like a super long sleepover." He smiled brightly at the idea of hiding this man under his bed.

Tom let out a lengthy sigh. "Fine. Whatever. But I don't just want scraps! I expect full meals to be delivered to me at least twice a day and a want more than one pillow in my sleeping space."

"Deal," agreed Harry. He approached the giant snake and gave him a big hug. "Bye Dad. I'm going to go do some cool kid things. I'll visit again soon!"

"Bye son." Roberts patted his son's head with the end of his tail. Tom stood up and followed Harry as they walked the way back towards the exit and where his friend was waiting.

And the rock wall. He had forgotten that the rock was there. "Oh yeah. We have a small problem getting out of here."

Tom huffed, then held out his hand. "Wand me." Harry handed over the wand, which Tom took. He pointed it at the rocks and said a spell that Harry didn't know existed, which caused the rocks to fly everywhere. Harry ducked and held his arms over his head, and a high-pitched squeal was heard from the opposite side, as the flying rocks had startled Ron quite a bit.

"Did you find my sister? Who is this guy? He's not my sister. Right?" Ron seemed quite afraid.

"Oh yeah. Ginny. No, I forgot about her. We gotta go get her." He turned right around and walked back the way they had come, but this time, Ron followed along and Tom, too. No one cared to take Lockhart, as he was still all confused on what was happening. Having his memory erased, he was fearful of this place and remained on the floor where he was sitting, legs pulled to his chest and rocking back and forth slightly.

When they returned to the room where they had just come from, Roberts was still sitting there, but he was getting ready to nap, it seemed. "Harry! You're back!" He said happily. "And you brought a friend! Or dinner?"

"Friend," responded Harry casually and walked over to where Ginny remained crumpled on the floor. Gently, he nudged her with his foot.

This time, she stirred and sat up. Her eyes were black pits and when she spoke, she was saying something in a language that no one understood.

"Oh yeah. I forgot that I took her soul." Tom seemed unconcerned, so Harry wasn't. Ron was, though.

"My sister! You took her soul?"

"She's going to probably be okay." Tom shrugged. He shrugged a lot, it seemed. Harry shrugged as well.

"Yeah, she's going to be fine. Look at her. She's speaking and standing on her own. Don't worry about it, Ron. Let's just go back for now."

Ron was bewildered. "This guy took my sister's soul, you're talking to a giant basilisk who didn't turn you to stone but can, and who even is that guy?" He pointed to Tom.

Harry groaned. "Why do you need to know so much? But fine. Whatever. That snake is my dad, which is why he isn't turning me to stone. This guy is Tom. He took her soul to turn himself back from a memory to a real person. And your sister will be fine. Just look at her."

Ginny was standing stone still, yet she was still muttering some incoherent chant of some sort. "Let's just go back." Ron was defeated by the lack of answers he was receiving and accepted his confusion as permanent. He put his hand on his sister's shoulder and started to lead her back towards the exit.

Tom and Harry walked side by side as they followed behind the two gingers. "It should be easy to sneak you into my room. I sneak around all the time and no one ever catches me."

And easy it was. The small group walked right through the hallways and into the Gryffindor house commons room. Once there, Ron led his sister to the stairs to the girl's side and Tom and Harry made their way up the stairs on the boy's side, and into his room. Harry took the pillows off his bed and handed them, along with a blanket, to Tom, who immediately slunk under the bed. Harry laid down on his bed and waited for Ron to return. When he did, he went over to his own bed and sat on it.

"We can't tell anyone about Tom," informed Harry, turning to his friend.

"Okay. Do you think people will notice the change in Ginny?"

"Probably not. She seemed pretty normal to me."

"I hope so. Well, good night."

"Good night Ron. Good night Tom."

"Good night Harry. Good night Ron," piped up Tom from his spot under the bed. "Don't forget to feed me tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 2: Those Pesky Gryffindors

Chapter Two: Those Pesky Gryffindors

The next morning, the entirety of Gryffindor house was awakened at an ungodly hour by the shrill screams echoing from the girl's dorms.

"Augh, a ghost!"

"Ginny! You're alive!?"

"How did you escape from Slytherin's monster?"

"It's probably a trick, Slytherin has sent her to ensnare us all!"

Footsteps thundered overhead and below, as dozens of angry, sleep deprived Gryffindors rushed to find out what was the matter, and punish whoever disturbed their slumber. More screams soon joined the first, as the male occupants of the dorms attempted to follow the screams up the stairs into the girls dorms, and the stairs melted underneath them into a slide. By the time Harry and Ron made it downstairs through the crowds, mostly due to Ron's liberal application of his elbows to their housemates ribs, Percy was attempting to take charge, shouting over the chaotic racket. But all he really accomplished was to add to the deafening noise of the wailing slide, and the excited screams of the children.

Then, suddenly, everyone fell silent simultaneously. Ginny had appeared at the top of the slide, dead eyes gazing emotionlessly out into the multitude. Professor McGonagall hurried into the common room, ready to chastise anyone and everyone, but even she stilled herself upon meeting Ginny's gaze.

Five minutes later, when Ginny still hadn't said anything, people started to get restless. Finally, McGonagall cleared her throat.

"We're all very glad that you're still with us Ginny. However, I'm sure we all have a lot to do, I've got to see about reopening the school since you're fine and all, people need to get ready for class, and so forth."

At that, the spell was broken. One of the Weasley twins began to cheer, the other began to throw confetti everywhere, and the Gryffindors dispersed. Only Ginny remained at the top of the slide, staring straight ahead, not acknowledging anyone or anything around her.

"Look, you can't tell me that's right," Ron complained to Harry. "She's just standing there! And look at her eyes! Look at them! This is definitely not normal."

Harry peered at Ginny more closely. It was difficult for him to tell since he was still stuck at the bottom of the stairs, but she did look a bit stiff.

"She's probably tired, that's all. She's had a long day, a longer night, and now it's three in the morning, and everyone has been shouting at her. Once she gets a decent night's rest, she'll be back to normal, you'll see," Harry reassured Ron.

Ron wrinkled his forehead, but didn't voice his skepticism of this theory, instead allowing Harry to drag him back up to bed. He'd just keep waiting, and watching. Soon enough, someone else would see that something was very, very wrong with his sister, and he would be vindicated in his doubts.

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Meanwhile, underneath Harry's bed, Tom finally withdrew his fingers from his ears, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Bloody Gryffindors," he muttered to himself. "Ruining the first decent night's rest I've enjoyed in fifty years. I should get out there and give them what for, the inconsiderate vomitous masses." Now that he was awake, there was no way he was getting back to sleep, certainly not laying on the floor staring up at the underside of a bed like this. He deserved so much better. He knew that this was all Harry's fault. How dare his enemy be related to his giant monster? The nerve! And then stuff him, Tom Riddle, under a bed, like he was unwanted luggage, embarrassing trash? Totally unacceptable!

And yet, somehow, he found that he was completely unable to remain angry at Harry for any length of time. No matter how much he reminded himself of the insults the boy had committed in the past several hours, no matter how much he tapped into the dark ball of hatred that writhed within him, he simply couldn't sustain any negative feelings towards him. Instead, he felt a strong obsession for the strange, snake-like boy, an attraction, now that he thought about it, which seemed remarkably similar to the one the Weasley girl had harbored for Harry. Before he stole her soul, of course. He should know, she'd done nearly nothing but write all of her fantasies about the boy in his diary all the past year, when he was her captive audience, so to speak. He considered whether he had managed to suddenly and completely adopt his other, older, self's apparent obsession with Harry, but no, that wasn't it at all. Strangely enough, this obsession had nothing to do with murder. Tom's last thought as he somehow managed to drift back to sleep, blissfully unaware of the reentry of the boys, was that this could be a problem.

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Once the sun had properly risen, and day came for real, Harry and Ron went down to breakfast together. Ginny trailed after them, silent and ominous as a wraith, but neither of them noticed.

"Hey Harry, do you think they'll manage to wake Hermione and the other petrified people up soon?" Ron asked thoughtfully. Harry shrugged in response. He wasn't at all sure, but he certainly hoped so. After the very confusing end to their adventure yesterday, he could use her advice. Besides, if it turned out they were still having exams, he would need help, because he and Ron had been too busy investigating the mystery of the basilisk attacks to do much studying. Not that they would have studied anyways, but that was his story, and he was sticking to it.

At breakfast, the Gryffindors quickly filled the rest of the students in on what had happened earlier that morning, and soon the entire school knew of the defeat of the basilisk, or thought they did. Harry was too busy surreptitiously concealing food for Tom in his bag to tell anyone what had actually happened. He was so surreptitious that even Ron didn't notice, so Ron also put some breakfast in his school bag. Ron, on the other hand, was not so talented.

"Ron, what do you think you're doing? You haven't washed that bag since you spilled your frog spleens in it! That's disgusting! Besides, you're not supposed to take food out of the cafeteria!" By the end of this speech, Percy's chest was so puffed up that he could have floated up to the ceiling like a balloon.

Ron glanced around nervously, then muttered, "M'always hungry in herbology." This response seemed to satisfy his older brother, who went back to his frantic combination of studying and eating.

Neither of the Weasley brothers noticed Harry grab a sausage, glance both ways hastily, then lunge forward, swallowing it whole. Now that he knew of his reptilian heritage, he was determined to embrace it, but he thought that the rest of the students might not be so accepting. A few weeks ago, everyone had thought he was the heir of Slytherin. While they had hated and feared him for that, they might hate him even more if they knew the truth: that he was the heir of the monster of the heir of Slytherin, and that he was currently keeping the true heir of Slytherin under his bed, feeding him on table scraps. Best to keep that under wraps, he figured. Hopefully, nobody would notice any of his herpish habits, and put the pieces together. He did have one thing going for him: Hermione had never figured it out. If she couldn't, he was pretty sure nobody else would.

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After herbology, Harry and Ron ran all the way back up to Gryffindor tower, to deliver breakfast to Tom. Neither of them noticed that Ginny followed them the entire time, and even attended herbology with them, unbeknownst to professor Sprout. Tom was less than pleased with the cold bacon and spleen-flavored eggs that they provided, but had to choke it down once Harry reminded him that beggars can't be choosers. After suffering through a stern lecture on proper ways to transport food, the boys managed to escape, still followed by a silent Ginny, and hurried to their next class. The harder Harry tried to focus on professor Flitwick, the more his mind wandered. So much had changed. He was part snake? And even more importantly, his dad wasn't dead? Well, James was dead, but he had another dad who was still alive? It was all very confusing. Finally, halfway through charms class, he came to a decision. He needed to visit Roberts as soon as possible, and he needed to get some answers.

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Later that evening, after delivering some dinner to an increasingly grouchy Tom, Harry pulled on his invisibility cloak, and snuck away to the chamber of secrets. Nobody noticed him leave, not even Ron, who was busy playing wizard's chess against himself, or Tom, who was still trying to sort out his feelings so that he could hatch a new plot or three. However, once he arrived at the chamber entrance, he immediately realized that he was not alone. Ginny was already there, hissing at the sink. Shrugging, Harry followed her down the slimy tube, careful to remove his invisibility cloak first so it wouldn't get ruined. By the time he got to the bottom, Ginny had already disappeared. Oh well, it wasn't her he had come to visit anyways.

"Hi dad!" Harry exclaimed brightly as he entered the main part of the chamber. There was still no sign of Ginny, but that didn't bother him in the slightest. She must have found something to amuse herself with. The mouth of Slytherin's statue opened slowly and ponderously, and Roberts' massive form slithered out, eyes and scales still clouded, hitting the floor with a dull thud. His tongue flicked in and out twice in rapid succession, then he began to make his way over towards Harry.

"Hello, my son," Roberts hissed. "It is very good to smell you again. What brings you back to my lair so soon?"

"Well, I'm having a little bit of an identity crisis," Harry replied uncertainly, averting his slitted eyes. "I know that I'm part basilisk, but what exactly does that mean? Do I get any special abilities, or weaknesses I should watch out for? How will people treat me if they find out? What is my optimum diet and humidity levels? How long will I live, and how big will I get?"

"Ah, I was wondering if you would ask me these things. Luckily, there is a very simple answer: I do not know. Not remotely! There are no easy answers in life, my dear, Harry, mammalian son, as you will soon discover. All you can do is to wait patiently, and see what happens."

"Wow, you're pretty wise. You must be super old. Like, really, incredibly, mind-blowingly ancient. How did you meet my mother, can you tell me about her?" Harry was determined to leave this place knowing more than he did when he entered, and even if his dad didn't know anything about him, surely he knew something interesting about his mother.

"You're mother, hmm? She was the most beautiful arsehole I ever had the honor to meet. She was the love of my very long life, but then she left me for that man, _James_." Roberts hissed angrily at the painful memories. "I would have challenged him to a duel, a duel for the love of Lily, but without a speaker of parseltongue to release me, I am forever trapped down here in the darkness and slime. So my dreams of revenge were brutally crushed before they ever hatched from their leathery eggs, and I have remained here ever since, mourning what I have lost."

Harry was lost for words. Luckily, Roberts did not seem to expect him to respond, and continued his sorrowful monologue.

"You, Harry, are the only piece of Lily that I have left, the only piece in the whole world. And you are mine as well, you beautiful hatchling. Lily left me, but now I have another chance at happiness. I will never let you go." As he spoke, he had been slithering around Harry, so that now Harry was trapped within his coils. Harry began to be somewhat alarmed.

"Wait, what? Never let me go? But I have, uh, classes! And stuff. I can't stay here forever!" Roberts twitched his tail in response, giving a serpentine chuckle, before speaking again.

"Don't be silly Harry. I meant that metaphorically. I'm just giving you a gentle hug. You can leave whenever you want, just be sure and come back soon. It gets real lonely down here sometimes," Roberts reassured him, flicking him gently on the nose affectionately with his forked tongue. Harry smiled back at him. He knew now that he had finally found the loving family he had always craved.


	4. Chapter 3: Enrichment

Harry stood at the bottom of the ocean listening to the eels shriek all round him. He had always thought that it was supposed to be dark at the bottom of the ocean, but whatever. He hadn't noticed but at some point a very large snake had coiled around him and was looking at him with snakey love and adoration.

"Hey, dad," mumbled Harry.

"Dad?" said the snake.

"You're my dad, aren't you?"

"Heck no! I could never be tied down with a kid. I'm a wild and free bachelor, baby."

Then the snake flicked its tongue out a few times and swallowed him whole. Somehow, this didn't concern Harry a whole awful lot, it was suspiciously warm inside this snake. It made him a bit sleepy. Harry dozed off, and when he awoke he was face down in some dirt.

Harry spat the dirt out of his mouth, and stood up in the forbidden forest. Tom Riddle was there, and boy was he noticeable. Tom had lacy underwear and thigh high red leather boots on, topped of with a bra made of mesh,

"Hello, Harry," Tom drawled.

 _Thump._

"It's a little hot in these woods, don't you think?" he continued.

 _Thump._

Tom slipped a finger under his bra strap and began to pull ever so slowly sideway until he-

 _THUMP._

"GODDAMMIT!" Harry roared, throwing the nearest clock at Ron as he sat up in his bed. Ron screamed like a child and hid under his covers, all the while whimpering something about how he didn't do anything. Harry looked around with a dangerous glint in his eyes, searching for the nearest thing to punch.

 _Thump._

At this most recent thump, Harry felt his bed shake, and realized the root of his problem. He almost thought he should feel bad for throwing a large and clunky timepiece at Ron, but he decided against it. Ron would get over it. Speaking of timepieces, it was still dark outside, it must be early. He yelled at Ron to tell him the time and Ron searched for the clock that was chucked at him and squeaked out something that sounded like the number three. He still seemed to be somewhat asleep and traumatized, but sometimes these things happen.

Harry peeked under his bed at the man who had taken up residence there.

"What's your issue?" he inquired.

"I'm bored." came the reply.

"It's three in the morning."

"So?"

"Most people tend to sleep at this hour, including me."

"You've kept me under your bed like a pet, and like a pet, I demand enrichment, so enrich me before I start humping random pillows and bits of furniture."

Harry was a bit flustered at this sarcastic insistence, and so he complied. But how was he going to enrich Tom Riddle? He couldn't just traipse him around the castle in the middle of the night for two reasons. First, students are not supposed to be out of bed. Second, he was literally a part of the soul of Voldemort made whole by the soul of another student. So most of the castle was out of bounds. He suggested they play Go Fish, but Riddle was not as entranced by the idea of children's card games as Harry was. That left the invisibility cloak. Harry was not very much opposed to the idea of being very close to Riddle, for safety reasons only, of course. A trek to the Chamber of Secrets might do them both some good. Nothing like dank, musty air to rejuvenate the soul, stolen or not.

Harry broached this idea to Riddle and, after a few sarcastic quips, Riddle agreed to take a trip to the Chamber, even though it would be "boring". So they draped the cloak over them, Riddle having to bend his knees to account for Harry's height, and set off without much incident or kerfuffle.

"Why are we doing this, again?" asked Riddle.

"You insisted on dragging me out of bed and _apparently_ Go Fish is 'juvenile'"

"But I don't want to see your freaky snake dad. How does that even work? Did your mother lay an egg?"

"I don't like to think about it too much. The details frighten me."

"Well, I still don't want to look at your parental reptile too much, I've already seen too much of him"

"I guess we could try to explore the rest of the chamber," Harry sighed. He had kind of wanted to see his rather long father, but he could wait for another time.

"That sounds slightly better than the alternative."

"Well let's just get down there and we'll figure it out as we go."

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Harry and Tom landed at the bottom of the slide with a bit of clatter as the bones scattered away from them. They had landed somewhat on top of one another because Tom thought it would be funny to push Harry in. And it was until Harry pulled him down with him on his fall. As they attempted to extricate themselves from one another Harry was blushing furiously in the dim light and Tom was feeling extremely ruffled and out of sorts. When they had finally figured out where their limbs were, they dusted the bones and dust off of their pajamas and Tom turned to Harry.

"Which way are we going?" he demanded.

"Well, I dunno. This is your 'enrichment'" quipped Harry.

"Ugh, fine. We're going this way," Tom muttered under his breath, turning to go into a tunnel which smelled faintly of rotisserie spices.

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They had been walking quite a while down a rather long tunnel in complete, somewhat awkward silence, when Harry thought he heard a swish of pants. He turned around and cast his lit wand further down the tunnel. What he saw was a flash of ginger hair and two soulless black eyes. Ginny had decided to follow them. Harry thought it was slightly creepy that she had managed silence for so long. As Harry continued to look at her, he noticed that her lips were moving rapidly in a wordless chant.

"What's _she_ doing here?" inquired Riddle in his smarmiest tone.

"Being creepy, I guess. She's seemed to be mostly harmless so far. It's like having a soulless, joyless dog."

"Make her go away."

"Go away," said Harry

Ginny groaned.

"Well, I guess we're stuck with her. Shall we continue?" Harry asked. Riddle humphed and started walking again. They continued along, much as they had been before, only this time with Ginny occasionally saying something in latin. Harry thought that maybe he should try to make conversation with Riddle, maybe get him to warm up a little.

"So, how do you feel about men?" Harry asked, and immediately wanted to bury himself thirty feet under the ground where nobody could ever find him again.

"Men?"

"Mint! I meant mint!" Harry immediately responded. _Smooth recovery._

"Mint."

"Yeah, mint! The flavor! I'm wild about it myself, really invigorates the senses!" At this sentence, Harry screamed inwardly and hoped it did not come out on his face. It did. Somewhere, Ginny gurgled something about the infraclass of the acorn barnacle.

"You're daft."

"Hah, you're very funny Tom!"

"No really. I'm not in any way joking. You're extremely strange and I think you should try breathing sometime."

Harry had, in fact, gone a little ruddy during this conversation, and so he took this moment to gasp like a beached whale. Tom watched this scene and grimaced, even he had the smallest amount of pity for Harry, who seemed to be having an aneurysm.

"Maybe we should go back, I would rather you not die down here. Nobody else will bring me food," said Tom.

"Have you been sufficiently enriched?" croaked Harry.

"Yes, yes. Now let's leave before you start speaking latin like ginger over there."

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Surprisingly, Harry made it back to his bed with some of his mind still intact. Riddle had maintained stony silence through the trek back home, even as he was pressed against Harry by the extra presence of Ginny under the invisibility cloak. She had disappeared around when they got to the common room. Having survived his horrible attempt at conversation, he shuffled under his covers as Tom shuffled under his bed.

"I do like it," muttered Tom.

"What?"

"Mint. I like it. It's a nice flavor."

"Oh."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Tom." said Harry.


	5. Chapter 4: Oh No

A few days passed like a blur to Harry. He spent the days in classes, studying at half capacity and enjoying some time with his friends. And Ginny. Ginny was always there, either silently watching Harry from the shadows or mumbling nonsense as she stood near him. Despite being followed by the youngest Weasley, Harry's thoughts were never fully focused on his studies or what activities he and his friends were enjoying at the time. Instead, they were drifting back to the boy under his bed. What an interesting guy Tom was, and Harry wanted to spend more time with the boy he had a strange attraction to. The night they spent together wandering the Chamber was too brief for Harry's liking, and he wanted to so something else with him. But what activity could the pair do without being caught? Not much, he decided, and thought of it frequently as the days continued.

The weekend was here! The most wonderful time in all of times, according to Harry. Saturday was definitely the best day, because you wake up and realize you have no class, get sad because you have classes tomorrow, and then get happy again because you do not, in fact, have classes! Harry slept in quite late that morning, even skipping breakfast because Ron could not wake the sound sleeper. When the boy did awaken, around noon or so, he rolled out of bed, feeling refreshed and more cheerful than he had felt in a while. Tom, on the other hand, was quite the opposite. No other student was currently in the room, as they were all out and enjoying the day, so he emerged out from under the bed and frowned at the smaller boy in front of him.

"Harry," he said, arms crossed as he positioned himself on the bed. "I'm hungry. You've slept all morning, and now I have not eaten breakfast or lunch."

"Yes, yes," Harry said with a small sigh, waving the issue away and going over to his dresser to get some clothes for the day. "I will get you some food soon. Don't worry. And then we are going to do something exciting! I don't know what yet, but I'll figure something out. Or you can, and we can do your idea. Y'know, either or." Shrugging as he spoke, Harry took his armful of clothes and took a few steps towards the bathroom. "We can talk about it after I bring you something to eat."

"Fine." Tom didn't seem too happy. Oh well. He's just grumpy because he's hungry, Harry decided, and disappeared into the other room.

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About an hour or so later, Harry returned to the bedroom with an armful of stolen goods from the dining hall, all of which were laid out on a napkin on the bed. Tom rolled out moments later and sat on the bed with the food, then began to munch away, seeming content. By now, he had accepted that he was only going to get fed like this, so he had, gradually, stopped complaining as much about only getting crumpled snacks. As he ate, Harry began to pace the room, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"What are you thinking about?" Tom asked curiously upon seeing the face of the other. As he ate, he had been watching Harry walk back and forth.

"Just about what we are going to do today." Harry turned to glance at Tom as he spoke to him, but didn't stop his walking. "Have you thought about it?"

"Oh yes." Tom was fast to answer. So fast, that his mouth was full. His food was swallowed before he continued. Manners and all. "I want to go into the forest."

"Why?" Harry stopped his facing and turned to look at him with a concerned frown. The forest was certain doom. Doom!

"I don't know. You want to do something exciting, so I want to go somewhere exciting." The way he said it was so nonchalant. Why was he so nonchalant about the Forest of Immediate Death?

"You guys can't go in there!" Of course, Ron was here. He had been here the whole time, but he wasn't really important enough to have attention brought unto him until now. "The forest is forbidden! And dangerous! And-" And he was cut off by an impatient Tom.

"I want to go. So I am going, with or without any of you."

"I wanna go," Harry said without thought. No, actually, he did not want to go. What he did want, however, was to be near Tom. Near him. So close, they could touch, really. He wanted to be touched by Tom in the forest. Not, like, sexually. That would be gross. Or maybe not.

"Are you coming or not, Weasley?" Tom asked, his impatience showing through once again.

"I'll go if Hermione is going, I guess." Ron let out a small sigh.

Great. The whole gang was going. Don't they know that Harry wanted alone time with his main man? Whatever.

"Who's that?" asked Tom as Ron stood up.

"Ron's girlfriend," Harry piped up, moving over to his bed to sit down. He was close to Tom here, even though they were sitting on opposite sides of the bed. Tom was sitting at the foot, while Harry was towards the top. But still, he was sitting on the same surface as Tom. Same surface!

"She is not," whined the ginger as he walked towards the doorway. "I'm going to go get her and see if she'll go. Do you want to meet us somewhere?"

After a brief moment of exchange, the group agreed to meet behind Hagrid's house, in the pumpkin patch. Close to the forest, yet in an easy place to meet. Solid idea. It was Harry's. Not to toot his own horn or anything.

Toot toot.

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When dusk settled on the castle grounds and the moon started its journey into the darkened skies, Harry found himself huddling under the invisibility cloak. A large, bumpy pumpkin was on his right, and a handsome, wonderful man was on his left. And, since they were sitting on the ground, a rock was up his butt, making this moment even more stressful for the poor boy. He was so close to Tom once again. He was right there. Their shoulders were pressed together, and their knees would occasionally brush against each other. It was a good thing it was dark outside, because Harry's face was more red than that pumpkin was orange.

Tom opened his mouth to say something, of which Harry was assuming would be to complain about how Hermione and Ron were late, but before he could say anything, they spotted the pair scrambling down the hillside in the direction of their hiding friends. Harry pulled the cloak out from over their heads and motioned for the other to come huddle with them. When they were all grouped together, Tom spoke up. He was in charge here, obviously. "You all ready?" When all three heads were nodding, he stood up, emerging in all his glory from under the cloak. "Let's go, then."

The cloak was folded up and put into the backpack Harry had brought along. The only thing currently in it was the cloak and some snacks and water. One must be well hydrated when running around with dangerous monsters.

Together, the group marched on, with Tom in the lead and Harry trying to think of something insightful to say. "What do you want to do in the forest?" he asked curiously, hoping that would be a good conversation starter. How did you start a proper conversation with your possible maybe hopefully soulmate?

"I don't really know. I just wanted to do something more exciting than sit under a bed all day." That answer wasn't mean or snarky or anything. Maybe this was getting somewhere!

Don't mess this up, Harry Potter.

"I'm exciting."

Tom's face turned to him with an unsure expression. Yup. Messed that one up. "Maybe you are a little bit." A small smile seemed to have crossed his face, if only for a moment.

Oh heck! Harry smiled happily as the other returned to looking towards the path to the woods. Tom answered that back and he wasn't unhappy or weirded out or awkward! Nice one, Harry.

Silent moments passed as they approached the edge of the forest. Tall, dark trees loomed over their heads, and the thick fog that seemed to permanently cover the area was dripping out into the grass at their feet. The group stopped as a collective and gazed into the unyielding darkness that lay before them.

This was his moment to shine, Harry decided. He was going to show Tom that he was strong and brave! The boy took a breath and exhaled, then took a step forward, being the first one to approach the forest.

"Come on, guys. Let's go!" He smiled brightly and took another step, into the actual trees. Harry took a glance at Tom's face and saw that there was an impressed expression there. Perfect. He was the next one to enter the forest, but he walked farther out than Harry, and continued to go, glancing behind him to make sure the others were following along. Harry turned immediately and followed like the lovesick puppy he was, and, begrudgingly, Ron and Hermione followed behind him.

"Woah, look at that," Tom said with a gleeful tone to his voice. He trotted ahead a few steps, and stooped down to look at something hidden at the base of an exceptionally large tree, behind a root. Harry stood behind him, and looked over his shoulder.

"It's a dead rabbit, Tom. It's not that cool."

"Yeah, but look how mutilated it is. Something really messed this thing up."

"I guess it does look kind of cool."

"Can we please talk about something other than a dead rodent?" Hermione was frowning, with her arms crossed. "I don't want to hang around it, anyways. What if the thing that killed it is still here? Watching us? Hunting us?"

"You're such a killjoy," Tom responded. He sighed and stood, almost bumping into Harry, who was still standing close behind.

"Y-Yeah, Hermione. Lighten up," Harry said, agreeing with Tom but also trying to act calm, even though they almost bumped into each other. Their heads. So close. It might have hurt if their heads whacked together, but their heads would be together, and that's the main point here.

The girl let out a grumble, but said nothing. She knew she was right, but she also knew that nothing she would say could change Harry's mind when Tom was the one he was agreeing with.

Each party member only took one step onwards when they heard a twig snap and some noise growing closer with each step. The group all swung around as one collective, fear placed on each face. But alas, it was only Ginny.

"Ginny! What are you doing! You shouldn't be here!" Ron's voice was full of concern, and he reached over and pulled her closer to the group.

"She just wanted to join us. We don't want to leave her out, Ron. She doesn't have many friends, so we need to fill in for her." Hermione gave the other girl a pat on the head.

Ginny liked the pat, as she stopped mumbling incoherently for a moment. Then she continued, but quieter. Harry decided that Ginny would have a purpose. He took the backpack off of his shoulders dn put it on hers instead. He had to push her arms through the straps, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Can we continue now? We're only a few feet into the woods," Tom complained. This was not exploration. This was stoppage.

"Yeah, let's go!" A wide smile appeared on Harry's face as he started to march onwards. He was now ahead of the group by a few steps, and the rest followed him. Unfortunately, they didn't get far.

They walked down a dirt path, to another unnecessarily large tree, when Harry stopped to point out a cool butterfly resting on the bark of the tree. He pointed, but he didn't get to say anything about it. Something with a strong grip held tight onto Harry's ankle, then pulled, causing the boy to plummet to the ground with a loud thump. He cried out in pain as his head hit the hard ground and his back was slammed into the tree root below, but his cry out was covered with his friends' shouts of his name. They lunged forward to grab onto him, but they were too late. As they moved forwards, the unknown creature pulled back, causing Harry to slide across the bumpy ground.


	6. Chapter 5: A Rude Awakening

Tom sighed as his hands closed uselessly on empty air. Too slow! Now poor Harry was lost in the darkness. Although he didn't want to admit it, and therefore didn't, he was mildly concerned. It wouldn't do to let the other children find out though, so he gave his trademark nonchalant shrug and turned back to the path.

"Ah well, I guess he's gone. Too bad, really. We'll just have to go on without him." And with that, he began to stride further into the forest.

"Wait, what?"

"Tom! Stop! Come back!" Ron and Hermione shouted after him. Tom turned around, excruciatingly slowly, one eyebrow raised in annoyance. As he turned, there was a slithering noise off in the darkness, vaguely in the direction Harry had disappeared towards, but higher in the canopy. Before Tom could stop himself, his eyes flickered briefly in the direction of the sound, and his cool demeanor faltered a little. He really needed to pull himself together! This whole having a body business was more difficult than he'd remembered, that was for certain. Suddenly, he became aware that Hermione was jabbering at him.

"-to rescue him! Quickly!" She was saying as he tuned back in.

"Oh, very well. If you insist. Wand," Tom demanded, holding out his hand. Ron and Hermione shared a nervous look, and neither of them immediately offered up their wand. If only one of those two had been attacked instead, Tom thought, Harry would certainly have handed over his wand without a second thought.

"Wand," he repeated, and two wands slithered out of the children's pockets, leaping into his palm. Without another glance at them, they could stay where they were or follow him, he didn't really care, he strode off the path into the underbrush. As he went, he twiddled one wand in front of him, and all of the inconvenient thorn bushes and things parted to let him through. Sometimes, a whole tree would even jump out of his way, so formidable was his magic. His other wand pointed in front of him and slightly upwards, guiding his way towards his target. Some rustling behind him indicated that the others were attempting to follow, but they were soon left far behind due to their short legs, and maybe also the fact that he closed all of the bushes behind him. Good. Now that he was out of view, he allowed his inexplicable and alarming concern to speed him faster through the forest. How in the name of Salazar had Harry gotten so far away, so fast? Although, if he was totally honest with himself, he had stalled for a good while before putting in any real effort to catch up. Now all he could do was to continue running through the forest, trusting in magic that he would make it in time to save Harry from whatever gruesome death no doubt awaited him.

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Meanwhile, Ron and Hermione were hopelessly lost. At first, they had tried to follow Riddle, worried as they were about their friend, but he was just too fast for them. Besides which, they could barely see where they were going even though it was almost certainly still mid afternoon, their robes, well suited for castle use, kept getting hopelessly tangled in the brambles, and they kept slipping in the mud. Once they lost sight and sound of Riddle, they had stopped and looked around them, and that was when they realized that they would probably have to live in the forest from now on. At least, until they realized that Ginny was still following them. When they stopped, she kept going, seemingly with supreme confidence in her choice of direction.

"Ginny, can you still hear Riddle? Do you know where he went? Ginny? Where are you going? GINNY!" Ron shouted, increasingly irritated. Ginny, as usual, did not respond. Ron wondered why he had expected her to, grabbed Hermione's hand, and ran after his sister. Even if she was going the wrong way entirely, he figured, the fewer groups they split into the better. However, it was harder to catch up than he had anticipated.

"Hermione!" he gasped, "How is she going so fast!" Hermione frowned, and pointed to a thorn bush beside them.

"You see that? All of the vegetation that was caught on her robes just turned black and withered away, letting her pass with ease. She's probably been leaving a trail of death behind us this entire time, and we didn't notice because she was in the back, I guess."

"That doesn't explain anything!" Ron protested, "How is she even doing that? See, this is the kind of thing I'm talking about, there's something not right about her, I tell you. Normal people don't do that! Please tell me you believe me Hermione, I'm begging you."

Hermione didn't answer, but instead grasped Ginny's shoulder. They had finally caught up, and she wasn't about to let her get away from them again. She continued holding Ron's hand, and they all trailed through the forest, following Ginny. After they traipsed along in silence for a few minutes, Ron finally couldn't take it any longer.

"Well?" He demanded.

"Well what? Hermione asked in confusion.

"I asked you a question!" Ron wailed, "Look at the plants curling away from her! Don't you believe me that something is wrong?"

Hermione considered the problem briefly, then turned back to answer.

"Ron, I'm pretty sure that this strange effect is simply a result of whatever Riddle did to get those poor plants to move out of his way. Maybe it works for her because they shared a connection for a while or something, but nothing is wrong with Ginny per se. It's just an unusual, but convenient, side effect. I wouldn't worry about it. If you want something to worry about, how about Harry? He's probably being eaten alive right as we speak."

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Harry slowly awoke, feeling disoriented. His head was throbbing, something hard was jabbing uncomfortably against his shoulder blades, scraping against his back as if he was being dragged, and something that was somehow both soft and squishy, yet unyieldingly solid gripped him under both armpits. The wind rustled through his hair, and he could feel the spring sunshine on his face.

Where on earth could he be? Was this the dormitory? It didn't seem like it, unless the roof of Gryffindor tower had somehow blown off in the night. That would be unfortunate. Harry had already come to the conclusion that the Weasley twins were to blame for this catastrophe before it occurred to him to open his eyes, and find out where he was. However, upon opening them, he found that he was no closer to discovering his present circumstances.

All he could see were blurry, young, bright green leaves, with the sun shining through them, forcing him to squint. Was he in the forest? Must be. It was the only place he could think of that had such tall plants, aside from the greenhouses, which didn't have wind. Why would he be there? It was all so confusing, and he couldn't seem to remember any recent events with much clarity. Something about impressing Tom, maybe? Yes, that was important. Sadly, he didn't seem to be doing anything particularly impressive right now, and Tom was nowhere to be found. Typical.

All these thoughts quickly disappeared, however, when he turned his head sideways and realized that he was not on the forest floor, as he had previously, foolishly assumed. Rather, the forest floor was alarmingly far below him, so far he couldn't see it, shrouded in vague darkness as it was. Yet, even this observation didn't preoccupy him as much as it might otherwise have, as he was quickly distracted by the several dozen blurry, reddish creatures perched on tree branches around him. They looked vaguely cephalopodian, but he couldn't be certain.

"Gah!" He exclaimed, jumping nearly out of his skin. Before he could stop himself he slid off of the tree branch, and found himself dangling in midair by whatever fleshy substance was supporting his armpits.

"Careful," came an annoyed, inhuman voice from directly above him, "You'll plummet to your death. Can't you just hold still?"

"Don't be silly," replied one of the other creatures, "It's a human, and humans always wiggle. They can't help it, it's in their nature. You can hardly blame it for displaying its natural, wild behaviors."

Harry was extremely confused as to what was going on. If only he'd still had his glasses! But holding still seemed to be a good idea for the moment, so he obliged the strange cephalopod who had apparently dragged him all the way up a massive tree, for some reason.

A few moments later, he was back upon his branch.

"Hang on, just a bit further," muttered the creature holding him. The next thing he knew, he was moving upwards again, not only dragged by the armpits, but also pushed by the bottoms of his feet.

"Where are you taking me?" He asked, on the off chance that he would receive a helpful answer. It was worth a shot.

"Where do you think?" a random creature to his left said in a needlessly snarky voice, at the same time as the one pushing him replied,

"Octopolis, of course. Where else?" Harry considered this information. As he had never before heard any mention of this 'Octopolis', it was singularly unhelpful. Always the optimist, he told himself that it was a start, and tried another question.

"What are you?" In response to this query, a cephalopod he somehow hadn't noticed before swung down directly above him, right into his face. One of its arms reached out, and poked his nose gently. As the ones carrying him shifted him slightly further up the tree, the very tip of the arm suddenly landed in his mouth. It felt squishy, and tasted fishy.

"Can't you see what we are, rude human?" the creature asked.

"Um, no? You're very blurry. Somewhat blobby. I think you knocked my glasses off on the way up? I sort of need those to see anything . . . " Harry trailed off awkwardly.

"Glasses? You mean this strange device?" Another creature off to the right asked. Harry turned his head. From this distance he couldn't really tell if it had his glasses or not, but he could see a smaller blob detach from the larger one, squeaking with excitement.

"Well, I would tell you, except, I CAN'T SEE. Is it an object consisting of two black circles connected by a thin black strip, with a solid, clear substance in the middle of each circle? Perhaps with two long black extensions?" As he spoke, Harry was jerked slightly further up the tree. He could only imagine how long it had taken the creature to drag him this far. At this rate, he'd be ancient before he arrived at Octopolice or whatever, and even if he finally did, he wouldn't get much out of the experience, except to discover that it was somewhat fuzzy.

"I suppose the device she found does match that description, but unfortunately, you can't have it back. Sorry," the creature dragging him replied. Naturally, Harry was confused, and vaguely offended.

"What do you mean I can't have it back? I need those! How do you expect me to, uh, gaze . . . upon your beauty? Without them?"

"Listen, human, we would give them to you without an issue, except that Panther Duke over there already gave them to her baby to play with, and if she takes them away, her baby will be sad. Now, we can't have that, so you'll just have to do without until the baby drops them."

Harry wasn't sure how to respond to this, so he said nothing. Instead of speaking, he simply relaxed, allowed himself to be dragged along without complaint, and considered how he might be able to get out of this situation. After all, if he needed to be rescued or something, that would hardly look impressive to Tom, and that was definitely the most important thing he should be worrying about right now. The blurry creatures seemed pretty friendly for kidnappers, if a bit rude, so he didn't think he was in any immediate danger. Maybe, if he could subtly and skillfully inquire as to why they had taken him, he could find some way to convince them to let him go peaceably. That would be for the best, since he couldn't really reach his wand at the moment, assuming it hadn't been jolted loose at some point, and he couldn't really see what was going on very well either.

"Soooo . . . don't get me wrong, I'm delighted to meet you, but why am I here? What do you want with me?" Luckily, the creature carrying him didn't seem at all offended, and readily, almost eagerly, answered.

"Well, it's actually the 50th anniversary of the Octopolis colony! We're going to have a big party, and it's going to be totally awesome. The party planners are going all out, we have a massive cake, and everything. In honor of the special occasion, we decided to find a new pet human for the children to play with. The last one, which called itself Sally-Anne, was accidentally knocked out of the tree during a game of tag which got a little too rowdy a few months ago, but the children have been appropriately scolded."

Harry thought about this for a little while. All too soon, his thoughts were interrupted by a few angry squeaks. Next thing he knew, his glasses were finally placed in his hands. Apparently, the baby whatever had grown tired of them at last. He took a deep breath, prepared himself, then pushed them up his nose and looked around once more.

What he saw through the sticky substance left on the lenses by his captors almost made him fall off of the branch again. All around him, brachiating lazily from branch to branch, was a colony of massive . . . octopuses? Octopi? Octopodes? He wasn't very certain on the pluralization, but he was certainly impressed. Most of them were as big as he was, but red and squishy, using their suckered tentacles to navigate the forest as naturally as if it were the ocean. Once he'd finally regained his voice, he spoke in an awed tone.

"Are you . . . tree octopuses? Is that a thing now?" The octopus grasping his armpits snorted.

"What did you think we were, tree cuttlefish? Of course we're tree octopodes! Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus, to be precise. The only reason we're here is that the resident groundskeeper, forester, and ecologist, Hagrid, brought us when he was a student, as a school project. He wanted to set up a breeding colony to protect us from extinction, so here we are. After he was expelled, he stopped checking on us, so we've pretty much had a free rein since then. Occasionally, we kidnap a student or two, but nobody really notices. They just blame it on werewolves and go on with their lives."

"That's all very interesting, but I think there's been some mistake," Harry ventured, as firmly as he dared, "You see, I can't be your new human pet because, well . . . I'm not human." The octopus holding him lifted him off the branch, shook him a little, and turned him around, examining him critically.

"That's a new one, I'll give you that. Your eyes do look a little funny, but it's a pretty slim excuse. You'll have to do better if you want to keep up with cephalopod intelligence."

"No, really, I swear I'm telling the truth! I'm part snake! Look at my tongue, see how it's forked?" Harry interrupted himself to flick his tongue at his molluscan captors. "I can even hiss, listen! _Let me go, vomitous mass,_ " he hissed in parseltongue.

At first, this had seemed like a good idea, a clever ploy. Surely, once they found out that he was part basilisk, they would let him go willingly. Unfortunately, it completely backfired. The octopus supporting him was so startled by his sudden reptilian vocalizations that it let him slip away, and the next thing he knew, he was falling. Now that he had his glasses, he could actually see how high he was, but this was the very opposite of comforting. It was only a moment before he hit a lower branch, bounced off painfully, then kept going. Now there was nothing below him, and he was pretty much doomed. Above him, he could hear the startled screams of the relocated Pacific Northwest Tree Octopodes fading rapidly away. He started to reach for his wand, but before he could react, he landed, with a magically gentle thud, right in Tom's arms.

"Aaargh," he groaned, because it seemed appropriate. His heart was beating very fast, adrenaline was pumping through him, and for more than one reason. He took a few calming breaths after terrifying fall, then realized that he had wrapped his arms tightly around Tom's shoulders, and his face was buried in that beautiful man's beautiful chest. To make matters worse, Tom was standing there as stiff as it was possible for him to stand without turning into a tree. Oh no, what had he done?

"Um, hi? Tom? What's up?" Harry asked somewhat awkwardly, slowly removing his hands from Tom's personal bubble. Tom gazed solemnly into his eyes for a moment, then quietly said,

"I'm glad you're alright," a small smile on his face. Harry felt like he couldn't breathe. But before he could collect himself enough to respond, Tom's uncharacteristic smile transformed into a far more characteristic smirk, and without warning, he was unceremoniously dumped onto the ground.

"You're up, apparently, at least until very recently. Are you ready to head back?" And with that, Tom strode off into the forest, without so much as a second glance backwards to see if Harry would follow him. Not that there was ever much doubt, of course. Harry had no choice but to stagger to his feet, brush himself off a bit, and hurry after him.

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Presently, they came upon Ginny, Ron, and Hermione, who had evidently been having their own adventure. Hermione looked mildly traumatized, Ginny looked the same as ever aside from a large quantity of slightly blackened arrows sticking out of her backpack, and Ron just looked confused. Not his normal, bewildered look, like nothing in the world would ever make sense to him again.

"Harry! You're alright! What happened to you?" Hermione and Ron exclaimed, rushing forwards to greet him joyfully. Harry waved his hand casually, just in case Tom was watching.

"Oh, you know, just a little kidnapping, nothing I couldn't handle. I had just escaped when Tom found me and led me back. How about you guys?" Harry glanced surreptitiously at Tom, to see if he was paying attention, and was gratified to see a small, almost fond, smile on his perfect face. Ron and Hermione immediately launched into a tale about centaurs, who apparently had called Ginny an abomination, then attempted to shoot her. Luckily, Ron explained angrily, Ginny had been able to somehow catch the arrows in midair. After that, they had galloped off into the forest, defeated.

"That sounds pretty exciting," Harry responded. "Are you guys ready to head back?" Oh, and pass me some of those snacks I packed, I'm starving."

"Yeah, we should go back," Hermione agreed, "and hopefully, we won't have any more adventures on the way." Ron groaned dramatically, slumping against a handy tree with his palm pressed to his forehead.

"Now look what you've done! Hermione, you've jinxed it!"

"Don't be silly, Ron," Hermione chided.

And so they proceeded towards the edge of the dark forest, Tom stoically leading the way, Harry trotting behind him like an overeager puppy, Ron and Hermione bickering in the back, and Ginny trailing behind them all, silent as a cephalopod.


	7. Tom, the Knight in Shining Armour

**Chapter 6: Tom, the knight in shining armour**

"What do you mean I can't stay here?" Harry whined as he stood in Dumbledore's office, the old man sitting at his desk calmly across from him. "I don't want to go back to the Dursley's for summer break!"

"The Dursley's did not return the permission slip. Therefore, you are not allowed to remain here. You must return home, Harry." Dumbledore's voice was calm as he spoke, which was more annoying to Harry. How could this man be so calm? Didn't he know that he was, like, totally ruining his life?

After a few more attempts and getting the same "no, Harry," repeated back to him several times, the boy gave up and retreated back to his room to start packing.

"So?" asked Tom expectantly when Harry entered the room. "Are you staying here over the summer?"

"No. The Dursley's did not return any of the permission slips I sent them, which means I have to go back there."

For the smallest, shortest moment in the history of moments, Harry thought that he saw some disappointment on Tom's face. But then he only shrugged and laid back on Harry's bed, crossing his arms behind his head. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to find some other way to entertain myself all summer. I suppose your father might be interesting. Or I could explore the forest some more."

Nooo, Harry thought to himself. He wanted to be the one to visit with his father! And he wanted to accompany Tom in the forest. Just the two of them, alone, in the dark, spooky trees. Could be romantic, could be deadly. Defeated, the boy could only pack his stuff in silence.

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For about a month now, Harry had been living back at home in the Dursley's, wonderful, glorious home. Everyday, he would do his endless list of chores, fulfilling every whim of the family without getting as much as a "thank you" in return, only another chore or task to fill his time. Today was just like any other, and ended just like any other. After running out of things to make him do, Mr. Dursley sent him off to bed, and Harry obeyed, even though the clock in his room only read 7:12 p.m. and the sun was just beginning to dip below the roofs of houses out the window.

Bored and not tired in the slightest, Harry resorted to sitting on his bed, using the waning sunlight filtering into the window to read his textbooks. As long as he was silent, he could read as late into the night as he wanted. Just as long as he wasn't caught by one of the others, that is, but he had grown awfully crafty and was quite capable at sneakily reading. But reading was hard, Harry quickly found out, when your brain continuously veered off into different thoughts, particularly of Tom, who was all alone back in the castle. Oh, wonderful, wonderful Tom. Would he even remember Harry by the time summer was over? Would he care about him in the slightest? Would he even remember his name?! Oh, why? Why must he be separated from that perfect man?

While Harry fretted over whether or not Tom would remember his existence, he hadn't noticed that the sun had fully gone below the horizon and drenched his room in darkness until steps in the hallway brought him back to reality. Welp, better hide the book. Harry pulled the blanket over the textbook and laid down in the bed, as if he had been asleep the whole time and there was totally not a book under the covers with him. The steps soon faded as the walker went down the hall, and silence took over once more. Maybe bedtime was a good idea, he thought, closing his eyes and soon drifting off into sleep.

A short sleep, that was. Soon, Harry was awakened by a voice and a poke to his forehead. A hard poke, too. "Ow," he whined as his forehead was forcibly jabbed, his eyes opening and focusing on who did it.

"Why are you cuddling a book? You're strange. Anyways, get up and get your junk and let's go." Without his glasses, Harry wasn't able to tell who this blurry, manly shape was, but the melodious, deep, and dreamy voice could only belong to one person.

"Tom? Why are you here? How did you get here?" Harry sat up, reaching to grab his glasses, which he had placed on the nightstand before he went to sleep. Once they were placed on his eyes, the blurry figure became the beautiful figure of the magnificent Tom.

"The window, obviously. Get your stuff and let's go. I'm taking you back to the castle."

Tom...came… to get him? Harry was bewildered and merely looked at the taller male with a blank look for a second. But then he happily threw off the blankets and scrambled to his feet, gathering socks to put on and a coat. Most of his few belongings were still packed from when he returned from Hogwarts, so he only needed to shove a few things in a bag and put on his shoes and he was ready to go. Of course, he did this as quietly as he could so he wouldn't alert the Dursley's of his movements and escape. He was escaping! With Tom! His sweet saviour, Tom.

"Okay, I'm ready," Harry said with a big grin, his bags packed and at his side. "How are we getting back to Hogwarts? And what am I going to do when I get there? The Dursleys did not sign that slip so I'm not allowed there."

"Brooms, and I have my ways. You'll see when we get there." Tom seemed to have an amused look on his face and the tone of his voice seemed to be ever so slightly happier than usual. He walked over to the window, which was now opened from his entrance, and waved his hands to show that there were two brooms floating outside.

With a bit of help from Tom, Harry was easily able to mount the broom, one bag on his back and another against his body as he held onto it. Once Tom was on his own broom, the two set off, flying into the direction of the castle. Harry, of course, was not at all aware of which direction to go, so he settled on following Tom, who seemed to know where he was going.

Some silence passed between the two for some time as they peacefully rode through the night sky. Harry decided to ruin that peaceful silence with a question. "So, why did you come get me?"

"It was quite boring being at the castle by myself," Tom said, glancing over at the younger boy as he spoke before returning his look to the front. "And… a little lonely, to be honest." A frown passed onto his face for a short time, but then it returned to its normal, stoic look, which then turned into a playful smirk. "I need someone to do stuff for me, of course. And if you aren't around, who am I going to use as my scapegoat?"

Harry was pleased with this answer and a large grin struck his face. "I will happily be your scapegoat!" He exclaimed cheerily. Tom cared enough to come get him! Even if he would only be stuck doing chores for Tom like he does for the Dursleys, he would do them more readily and willingly because the amazing Tom deserves to have Harry as his personal maid. He would even wear one of those dumb maid outfits if Tom wanted. Okay, maybe he wouldn't do that. But he would at least think about it if he was asked.

For the rest of the ride, the two shared several conversations on various topics, and soon, they were arriving back at the castle.


End file.
